Letter to a NRI Hubby

I often answer questions from harassed husbands. I am blogging some of these, sans identifying details


Dear NRI Hubby

These days I come across 100s if not 1000s of FALSE extortion cases and FALSE dowry cases. Courts have condemned this. The law that was made to protect the woman, seems to be grossly mis-used to extract money from innocent men or to wreck vengeance. I'm saddened to hear your story.

Do not think you are the only one affected. There are 10s of 1000s of FALSE cases all over India.

.....Subject to my idea of *self help* which is very essential : http://tinyurl.com/pxcfz and standard disclaimers as in http://tinyurl.com/947u9

... may I suggest
---------------------------

>
>We have lot of disputes since our marriage.
>
>despite of our regular request she is living
>with her parents with my child and used to
>blackmail me socially/economically/mentally and
>now legally also.

Ignorance of Law and lack of social awareness is the biggest problem facing Indian men

We all suffer today because a few years ago, we ourselves as youngsters DID NOT FIGHT AGAINST, did not do road rokos and morchas against the rampant rise of radical feminism in India

Over the last 20 + years feminists have been fighting, fighting against Men, fighting against women who support men, fighting with FALSE statistics of dowry deaths and cheating husbands running away overseas and so on

Now they have armed themselves with laws that are TOTALLY ONE SIDED and still majority of the men continue to pity women .....

...... and the sad part is that well educated men are also in the same boat, worried about their DAILY LIFE rather than the larger canvass, the society ... the family ... the well being of MEN tomorrow

Even in the internet Era, we (a group of husbands hit by dowry law), have repeatedly written about misuse. No one cares till it is rather serious

ref Blog post titled : Wake up !! or else your son may be the NEXT target !!!
http://bareact.blogspot.com/2007/01/wake-up-or-else-your-son-may-be-next.html
or http://tinyurl.com/37n5tv

I hardly get comments of support even while writing these !!

Having said all the above, let me continue with some specific comments to your mail. please read below


Prove that she deserted you and you did NOT throw her out

>Since last two year we are
>not living together and even dont have any
>telephonic conversation as i was totally
>frustrated with the behaviour of my Wife and
>inlaws.
>

Do you have any proof that she left willfully ? for e.g. did you send her letters by registered post or courier with ack. due, requesting her to come back ?? I am NOT sure if you understand this but let me tell you, MOST unscrupulous WOMAN turn up at police stations and claim that their hubbies have DESERTED THEM and run away abroad.

do NOT worry if you do NOT have such proof, but I am taking the time to explain the situation to you

These false complaints of desertion are compounded by myriad FALSE news paper reports which claim that NRI hubbies have deserted Indian women... again .... MEN DO NOT FIGHT such false reports

Just search THIS MONTHS news alone and you will get multiple URL and some from Punjab as well of such cases . I am posting just three of them below for sake of brevity


Cells to redress plight of women deserted by NRI husbands
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/Cells_to_redress_plight_of_women_deserted_by_NRI_husbands/articleshow/2057446.cms
or
http://tinyurl.com/2h8ygm



Non Reliable Indian grooms under vigil
http://www.saharasamay.com/samayhtml/articles.aspx?newsid=74505
or
http://tinyurl.com/23wca7



Cells for Non Reliable Indian husbands soon
http://www.saharasamay.com/samayhtml/Articles.aspx?NewsId=75597
or
http://tinyurl.com/272gcr


Give up Fear

>At present i am in (abroad) since last three
>months and pursuing ____ __________
>__________ fully funded by _____________
>When she came to know about this she just
>lodged a FIR in women Cell, _____ against
>all my family members including me also. Now
>guide me what i should do. She just want to
>spoil my career.
>

First. Give up fear

Indians have fought against British cannons and mughal invaders

I'm totally surprised that you should start shivering ...that too for a false case

Counter her complaint

Here are some simple steps on what to do

1. Get a lawyer in your hometown

2. Get that lawyer to approach the CAW cell and get a copy of the complaint. Do NOT tell him that you cannot come back..., that your entire life is in danger ...blah blah blah ....

3. some one has lodged a false case, get a copy of that complaint AND APPLY FOR BAIL FOR ALL THOSE IN INDIA

4. Thanks to the activities of the Save Indian family foundation and 498a org etc even judges are fully aware of the misuse of DOWRY LAW and FALSE complaints by women

5. So DO NOT PANIC...DO NOT. FULL STOP ....

6. APPLY FOR A BAIL. FREEDOM IS YOUR BIRTH RIGHT AS YOU ARE INNOCENT.
Read case laws where courts have granted bail. One of them is posted here
http://vinayak.jconserv.net/viewtopic.php?t=24


7. Read about the law, read more and more about the ground realities and update yourself of the ground realities



>My (Education / Job) if for ___years and
>i wants to finish it at any cost /stay abroad
>in any condition as i really worked very hard
>to earn this _______________.
>

Every man has two responsibilities. One personal and other social. I do NOT have to tell you, the importance of his social responsibility.

I am really impressed by your personal achievements. I am sure you are ready to serve the society as well.

Since this is our first mail / interaction and we do NOT know each other much I am eagerly awaiting your reply on how you wish to serve the society

>Is there any chances of cancellation of my
>_______________ and go back to India,
>

NIL....IF YOU FIGHT BACK

So, bottom-line is, ".. Never run away .."

Never give them a chance to prove that you are a deserter

>In any case i does not want to continue the
>relationship with her due to some reasons which
>are unexplainable.
>
>I need a divorce.
>

DO NOT .....DO NOT file for divorce

Read here for why ?
http://bareact.blogspot.com/2006/12/divorce-why-now.html
or
http://tinyurl.com/y6a4cj


>I have not taken any thing from her stri dhan
>every thing is in her custody including our
>family Jewellary but i am not worried about
>that.
>My main concern is towards my Family members
>what should be next course of action from our
>side as the woman cell has issued a notice to
>appear on ___ / _____. My father is a govt.
>employee, me also and ___ youngerbrothers
>pursuing their studies. It is also a matter of
>their future. So kindly guide me.
>

GET A BAIL FOR YOUR PARENTS

THEY SHOULD NOT GET HIT IN THE CROSS FIRE

READ MORE BELOW

Bail / anticipatory bail
----------------------------------------------------

When a complaint has been made and registered in police, CAW cell etc. try to get the copy and apply for Anticipatory bail, [file for court notice for protection or stay of arrest] whatever applicable as per your state

At any cost you or your family member(s) should not surrender to police

Once you are able to get the bail , THE OPPOSITE PARTY will be under pressure.

The opponent's very tactic is to arrest you. As you are innocent and in most cases you may not have even stepped into a police station you will be shocked.

They will try to use this shock to ill treat you, wreck vengeance or extract money from you

STAY COOL !! STAY FOCUSED. Get an anticipatory bail - IF the case is already filed. Once you are free and out you can fight your honest case

Always ask the bail for family members first (except husband) .

Once the same achieved , then apply for the bail for husband in lower court , lower court will may reject it , move to session court ( may reject it ) , move to high court ( may reject it ) , then move to supreme court , we are here to help you out.

Normally at the High court level itself you should be in a position to get a bail. The HC know that the Supreme Court Judges are not fools.

Even In case of TADA/POTA people get bail, this is just a family dispute - so DO NOT panic

While these procedures might seem costly it is nothing compared to paying ransom to an un scrupulous female who tries to arrest you



>Right now i dont have any telephone no., but
>kindly give me your contact no. so that my
>family members can contact you in India / USA
>

I have given ALL INDIAN and US help line nos at the end of my mail


>How long it will take to get rid of that
>greedy lady.
>
>Should i file a divorce case.
>

In this game, haste is waste

DO NOT .....DO NOT file for divorce

Read here for why ?
http://bareact.blogspot.com/2006/12/divorce-why-now.html
or
http://tinyurl.com/y6a4cj



>But my first priority is of well being of my
>family and tension free continuous study.
>
>Can _________ stop my funding on just her
>complained.
>

AS I SAID EARLIER, NIL IF YOU FIGHT BACK

This is a fight of good vs evil. Every fight counts

Countless men have won this battle

Many more have run away and are living in shame

You choose ....



>These are very much question due to which i
>cannot sleep. my whole career is on the stake.
>
>Please guide me.
>
>Thanking you
>
>Yours Truly
>NRI Hubby
>
>
>

I am also copying this mail to some of our dedicated volunteers


HELP LINE NOS
----------------------


All India Helpline Number: 91-92434 73794 (24 Hours)
alternate Nos : 91-9810611534 or 91-80-65334135

Volunteer Helpline Numbers (limited contact hours)
Also at : http://tinyurl.com/2dewon
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Delhi: 9911119113, 9810611534, 9891369616 (Rajeev)

Kanpur (and U.P.): 09335014984 (Aanand), 09935239764 (Lt.Col.(Retd.) C.S.Khandelwal)

Calcutta:
Mr. Vineet Ruia - 033-25347398 , 033-25217318 - 8:30 to 10 PM ONLY
Mr. Kamlesh K Dwivedi - 9231835462
Mr. D.S.Rao - 9830151555
Mr. Suman Chatterjee - 9830927619

Bangalore:
*Asha Kiran*, 1252/6, P.M. Lakshmia Layout,
Magdi Cord Road Layout , 1 st Main, Vijay Nagar.
Bangalore 560 040.
Helpline: 91-80-65334135
Mobile : 9845986250

Mumbai: 9869323538 (Guptaji) / (helpline) 9224335577
Ahmedabad: 9898989884
Gujrat: 09825365816

Hyderabad :
Prasad : (9848280354) kollud@yahoo.com (Miyapur, Hyderabad)
Prakash: (9948504037) victim498a@gmail.com (BHEL, Hyderabad)
Pavan Kumar: (9985858729) yangaldaspk@yahoo.com (Hyderabad)
Dr. Sreedhar: (9908578457) ameresree@yahoo.com (Secunderabad)

Jaipur: 09352562456
Nasik: 9371988132

United States (USA): 650-430-9544, 612-812-4340 (Avro, call between 10PM to midnight Eastern )


Please note this help / service is based on a self help concept. We share our experiences here. We do NOT just advise you TO take one path or another. DECISIONS are yours, but we suggest some ideas based on our experience.

If you wish to get maximum benefit from writing to us, It is also IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ AND UNDERSTAND the law with us.

You may also join the following groups, read the archives, post your queries and seek clarifications. [Please note that the yahoo groups are OPEN forum and so take care of confidentiality]

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saveindiansociety/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saveindianfamily/



More after hearing from you


regards, vinayak

My post above is Subject to
----------------------------
1. My idea of *self help* which is very essential : http://tinyurl.com/pxcfz
2. Standard disclaimers as in http://tinyurl.com/947u9
3. A short preamble : http://tinyurl.com/hatew

Dowry Law Misuse : http://tinyurl.com/tdkx6 , http://tinyurl.com/v5vp8

Groups :

http://groups.google.com/group/MatriSuggest
http://groups.google.com/group/SIFsuggest


Blogs :

http://bareact.blogspot.com/2006/12/divorce-why-now.html
http://tinyurl.com/2tb3s7
http://tinyurl.com/2dkub4
http://tinyurl.com/23xppp

http://vinayak.jconserv.net/index.php

http://www.bloglines.com/blog/eVinayak
http://bareact.blogspot.com/
http://my2cw.blogspot.com/
http://o3.indiatimes.com/mera/
http://www.blurty.com/users/vinayak/

Seek advise : All India contact Nos : http://tinyurl.com/vntjz

>
>----- Original Message ----
>From: "address_changed@yahoo.co.in"
>
>To: e_vinayak@yahoo.com
>Sent: Sunday, May 27, 2007 1:58:46 AM
>Subject: Advice Please - NRI Hubby -
>
>Name: NRI Hubby
>Email: address_changed@yahoo.co.in
>Hear about us: GoogleSearch
>498A Registered: NO
>498A Place:
>498A Date:
>Any Other IPCs:
>Relatives Accused:
>Jailed Days: NO
>Stage of Case: inWomenCell
>Spent Money on 498A:
>Lived in joint Family: NO
>Marriage Date: _______ 2003
>Wife Age:
>Wife's Education Level: ____
>Wife works (earns)?: works
>Filed for Divorce: NO
>Have children: YES
>Living With Wife: NO
>Negotiating with Wife: NO
>Took her Stridhan Back: YES
>She had Any Medical Problems: NO
>Willing to Help other Victims: YES
>Ready for TV/Press Interivew : YES
>Contact No:
>Comments:
>
>We have lot of disputes since our marriage.
>
>despite of our regular request she is living
>with her parents with my child and used to
>blackmail me socially/economically/mentally and
>now legally also. Since last two year we are
>not living together and even dont have any
>telephonic conversation as i was totally
>frustrated with the behaviour of my Wife and
>inlaws.
>
>At present i am in (abroad) since last three
>months and pursuing ____ __________
>__________ fully funded by _____________
>When she came to know about this she just
>lodged a FIR in women Cell, _____ against
>all my family members including me also. Now
>guide me what i should do. She just want to
>spoil my career.
>
>
>My Ph.D is of ___ years and i wants to finish it
>in any condition as i really worked very hard
>to earn this _______________.
>
>Is there any chances of cancellation of my
>_______________ and go back to India,
>
>In any case i does not want to continue the
>relationship with her due to some reasons which
>are unexplainable.
>
>I need a divorce.
>
>I have not taken any thing from her stri dhan
>every thing is in her custody including our
>family Jewellary but i am not worried about
>that.
>
>My main concern is towards my Family members
>what should be next course of action from our
>side as the woman cell has issued a notice to
>appear on ___ / _____. My father is a govt.
>employee, me also and ___ youngerbrothers
>pursuing their studies. It is also a matter of
>their future. So kindly guide me.
>
>Right now i dont have any telephone no., but
>kindly give me your contact no. so that my
>family members can contact you in India / USA
>
>
>How long it will take to get rid of that
>greedy lady.
>
>Should i file a divorce case.
>
>But my first priority is of well being of my
>family and tension free continuos study.
>
>Can _____ stop my funding on just her
>complained.
>
>These are very much quetion due to which i
>cannot sleep. my whole career is on the stake.
>
>Please guide me.
>
>Thanking you
>
>Yours Truly
>NRI Hubby
>
>
>